Stay-at-Home Mom

I received the following article in one of my e-newsletters I receive. I asked permission of the author to copy it here as it embodies a lot of what I felt and went through when we decided I would stay home with our children. Please understand that I know that some women want to work outside the home and that some have to because of finances, but I believe that if you long to be home and can make a few changes, then it is definitely possible.

SO YOU WANT TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
mailto:homebodies@comcast.net
Copyright 1997

(NOTE FROM CHERYL: The following column is a shortened version of the article that started Homebodies several years ago. This story was written as a letter to the editor, after a checker at a convenience store refused to accept my home number as a "real work number". Reader response was overwhelming, and prompted the editor to ask me to write a weekly column. Homebodies was born!)

I have found the Promised Land, and it is in my own backyard.

The honey flows sweetly, whether soft spring breezes are ruffling my children's hair, or the kids are splashing through summer's sprinklers, or I join them tumbling in autumn's leaves. Even smacked upside the head with a preschooler's snowball, I love being a stay-at-home mom.

I am a thirty-something, college-educated, work-oriented woman. Ranking high on my list of career priorities is providing the absolute best life for my children, my husband, and myself. I personally can best achieve that goal by putting my training and education into action on the homefront.

Organizational skills gleaned from the classroom and workplace serve me well as I juggle my family's needs. In my role as Chief Financial Officer, I take our family's paycheck and stretch it in all ways imaginable.

As Family Counselor, I untangle a web of relational challenges, from sibling rivalry to deciphering a toddler's intricate code words. I actually have the patience to listen to my husband's venting after a hard day, since I'm not just waiting for my chance to grind an axe about my own frustrating experience at the office (although I may have a good story or two about the kids).

Life is certainly entertaining as I juggle various roles at our Family Industrial Complex. You've seen the hats listed before: teacher, interior decorator, gardener, chauffeur, cook, laundress, accountant, secretary, physician, etc. All rolled together, they equal a stay-at-home mom.

A classic Type A personality, I am sure that quitting full- time work outside the home has extended my life considerably. I no longer feel my head is about to explode as I rush to daycare, rush to work, rush to errands at lunch, rush back to work, rush to daycare, rush to the supermarket, rush home, rush supper, rush housecleaning, rush my kids to bed so I can have a moment's peace, rush to my pillow to rush in six hours sleep before we start this all over again tomorrow.

Instead, I can follow a flexible schedule just as vital as any I used to outline in my Daytimer. I work for a smaller corporation now, a private entity composed of me, my husband, and our two children.

It hasn't always been this way. Although I sincerely wished I could be home with my two daughters, I didn't believe it was financially possible. But as I took a complete look at our finances, I found that after Uncle Sam, the babysitter, the car finance company and the fast-food diners took their cut, I was bringing home $39 a week.

I was sacrificing my dream of being home with my kids for less than a dollar an hour. According to the figures, I had been working for this measly amount for almost a year.

I called my husband and asked if he could pick up $39 in overtime a week, to which he immediately responded, "Yes." I turned in my notice that day.

It's true. It's not how much you make, it's how much you spend. We sold our late model luxury car and paid cash for an ancient but well-maintained auto. Do I miss my plush car? Of course. Am I willing to work full-time so I can have it? Of course not.

So I live within my means, knowing that someday, when my children are grown or more money appears in our household, we may choose to buy a new car again.

Instead of racing to the restaurant for a primo lunch - and watching the clock, cursing the slow waiter, then paying triple what it would have cost to make it myself - I can brown-bag a lunch of PB&J (the perennial kid's favorite) and go to the park on a time schedule I set myself.

My luxury car languished in a parking lot when I worked. Now my older car patiently waits as my children and I brown ourselves under sunny skies. We lay on our bellies, our faces inches above the microworld contained in grass we once just trampled, discovering tiny treasures.

Chubby fingers push back my hair and soft lips smack my forehead. "I love you, Mommy."

No car is worth this.

You probably instinctively knew all the pluses to staying home before you started reading this article. Sounds like a great dream, but you can't afford to quit work.

Maybe. Or maybe not.

Sit down with your spouse and determine your goals for your family. Don't just look at finances; include personal and spiritual goals. What would be the ultimate situation for your family? What would be tolerable? What is unacceptable?

Cut out everything that is wasting your money, time and energies. Discover the difference between wants and needs. Are some of your wants stunting an area of need? Your children are precious. What expendable items stand between them and you?

You may be proud of the beautiful house you have provided for your kids. However, if you find they spend little time there with you - that they are instead at a childcare center while you make the money to pay the mortgage, then there may be a problem in priorities.

Same thing with the fancy car. If Mom's not there to drive to fun places, why bother?

There are universal truths, and one Truth is this: When given a choice, young children will always choose time with their beloved parents over time with things.

If after making all the cuts you can muster, you still don't see enough room in the budget to leave the office behind, consider the next best thing: working part-time.

It's not always possible for a woman to make the jump from full-time worker to stay-at-home mom in one leap, even if she wants to. There are many reasons she might choose to work part-time first.

Maybe the budget won't allow a total break right now. Maybe her husband's a little nervous. Maybe she's not sure exactly how she will like being home all the time. Whatever the reasoning, going the part-time route is a road an increasing amount of mothers are choosing to maneuver.

Cutting back on work commitments benefits both you and your children. But you may be surprised at the change in your husband, too. Instead of evenings filled with laundry and housework, you can schedule your chores so that you get off work when he does. Now the evenings are free for family fun.

Deciding to stay at home is definitely an example of "less is more". Consider simplifying your life and realize the rewards of downscaling material expectations. Like me, you might discover the Promised Land in your own backyard.

*****

READERS: If you enjoyed So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom (InterVarsity Press, 1999), here's a way you can help get it into the hands of other present and prospective at-home parents.

The next time you visit your local library, check to see if So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom is on the shelves. If not, simply ask the librarian to order a copy. Librarians love buying books their patrons like, and there are lots of moms who can't afford to buy their own copy, but who would appreciate being able to check it out. It's a win-win situation for everyone.

Here's the ISBN, or order number, the librarian will need: 0- 8308-1922-3. Got other favorite parenting books you'd like to see on the shelves? Bring those to your librarian's attention, too!